Do You Think for Yourself?
- Or do you blindly follow what they say about grief?
- We Say: You are getting better. You are moving forward. Your heart is healing.
You are Healing, Getting Better, and Moving in the Right Direction.
I am not sure who the genius was that decided to go around telling everyone you will never heal when you lose someone you love, but please do not say these things to me. It is not a fact and not even close to being true.
People love to tell you that “It never gets any better.” And many other negative, hurtful phrases.
The bigger question is, why on earth did this ludicrous phrase catch on and spread? This is a perfect example of the brainwashing of the masses. Say it enough times, and people will believe it. Repeat it, and they will start spreading inaccurate information. When we see those who use these types of phrases when someone is in the throes of intense grief, it shows their character. It is similar to those on Facebook who copy and paste instead of thinking for themselves, being creative, and questioning things before they repeat them. Using these brainwashed phrases signifies to me, it is someone who does not think for themselves. And why would you say these horrible negative statements to anyone? So they can go home and repeat them to themselves?
So if you had a six-year-old child who is feeling immense pain over the loss of her mother, would you say to her, “It never goes away, it does not get any better, but you will learn to live with it”? Never in this lifetime!
So why would you say it to yourself, and why would anyone say that to someone during a time of intense pain due to loss? And why do people go around saying this in the first place?
Your friend says; I am hurting; I am in pain, I am in hell and feeling tortured, and your response is, “It will never get better, you will never get over this, but you will learn to live like this” You are an ass if you say these words to someone who is being tortured by a broken heart. These types of phrases are societal influences, as we call it the brainwashing of the masses. They hear it repeated, so they go with it, without question and spread the propaganda.
What to Never Say to someone who is grieving
“You will never get over it.” “It will never get better.” “It will never go away” should be stricken from your vocabulary! Do not say these things to someone who is grieving.
I have cried over a million tears and struggled through five months of emotional pain. The first three months were agonizing. I made it through the most intense pain of my life, and I am much better and on the road to complete healing. My love was profound and intense, so my path may be longer than some, or I may have cried so much so hard for so long that suddenly one day, I will be so much better. We don’t know. There is no science behind this. What we do know is what we tell ourselves has an intense effect on how we recover.
So when you tell someone, “It never gets any better”, do you even know if they are in this extremely intense stage of emotional torture, which of course as a fact, lessen with time?
The unfortunate part is, these phases are very often said by people who have never even experienced a profound loss, yet they state it as fact. These phrases always being repeated shows how society is gullible and easily swayed to think a certain way and repeat and spread propaganda. I am delighted I do not live in their world of constantly repeating things that they heard without giving it any real thought. I have thought this through in great detail after a loss. I like the idea of comforting myself and my inner child. If I had a child of six, seven, or whatever age who just lost a parent, I would say kind, loving things. “I am sorry this hurts. You will get better. It will ease. This intense pain will not last forever, and you will find peace. You will heal. Your heart will be whole again someday.”
Although hard to see at the time by the grieving person, I would bring hope and a little inspiration that the future would be better. I would say these things out loud because I would be manifesting them for the person in deep pain. I would only speak words that promote healing. I would never say something that would manifest pain to stick around, especially forever. – Keep telling yourself it will never get any better, and your subconscious mind will believe this. This is counterintuitive to your healing.
Grief: The Power of the Mind to Heal One’s Self is Enormous
When we continuously repeat negative things, over time, if we say it enough, it becomes part of our personality. One of our favorite books, by Joe Dispenza, which we highly recommend, is “You are the Placebo.” Joe Dispenza talks a great deal about the science behind the fact we can control and or influence our bodies and minds to be a certain way. His other book, “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself,” was written before this. We have read both books and use what the author says in our everyday lives. Although these do not seem like books for grief, we recommend you read them. Distraction is very often necessary during the grieving process, and reading is a good distraction.
When you tell yourself you are healing, you promote healing. When you say to yourself, you will never heal, you promote ill-health, emotionally and physically.
Also, be aware that anti-depressants will not help you with grief. They will bring you many adverse side effects.
An excellent way to boost positive brain chemicals is to stretch and smile. Your body’s muscle memory releases these chemicals when you smile. Smile hard to stop the tears when you are in a place where it is better if they do not come. Roll your eyes so the tears don’t fall and keep smiling, and you will find the tears stop.
Things to say while grieving:
- I am healing.
- This is part of the process and helps me to heal.
- I am moving forward in my grief.
- This intense pain is energy moving through me and will pass.
- Time does heal, and I am getting better each minute and each day.
- I will someday find peace, and this is part of the road to it.
- I will never forget, but I will heal.
- I will someday be able to look back and smile and laugh.
- No two people heal the same; I am healing my way.
- I am better than I was yesterday, and I am on my way to relief.
Things to do when you are grieving:
- Have a calming smoothie – Magnesium, Http-5, L-theanine, and valerian root are good for anxiety.
- Take a hot bath – Add in Epsom Salts or Magnesium Chloride, the stronger version.
- Read or do something that distracts you. You cannot think of two things at once.
- Yoga and or meditation classes are helpful.
- Exercise – 5 days of exercise a week has been proven more effective against depression than anti-depressants, which have horrible side effects.
- Nourish your body for health. Be sure to eat nutrients that battle depression and avoid those that promote it. Emotional eaters should work on changing their mindset. They “think” they feel better-eating comfort foods. They do for a short while, then the emotional sugar-carb crash hits. Eat to promote feeling good! The worse I feel, the better I must eat—another thing to tell yourself daily.
In the seventies, a woman went to a massive gathering amongst her peers and presented her five stages of grief. It went over so well that with absolutely no questioning, no studies, and no science behind it, they all adopted it and started using it; hence, unstudied, unfactual five stages of grief were created. Just like the phrase “You will never get over it,” the stages were created and impulsively used and spread with no science behind it at all.
Grief is like a fingerprint. It is unique to everyone. There is no “way to grieve.” Yes, you can do things to help yourself, but ask yourself if they promote healing? I have read five books on grief, none of which I would recommend. I have listened to two books on tape on grief (to distract me while driving, which is significant alone time.), went to grief counseling (or tried to and quickly found it was not for me), had eight therapy session (I had more tools for helping myself than the counselor did.)
Toxic Psychiatric Drugs Come with a Horrific Withdrawl Syndrome
No science says three years or three months is the time frame for grief. Big pharma influenced science is a scam to push psychiatrists to get you on anti-depressants, which do not work for grief, as quickly as possible. Read all about the big pharma influence on grief if you want to get more depressed. It is essential to read this if you are considering anti-depressants, which we are very much against, but again make your own choice after reading all of the facts. You can educate yourself on the Discontinuation Syndrome and the many adverse events associated with SSRI’s and SNRI”s. Don’t let any psychiatrist tell you how long or intense grief should be, and tell you an antidepressant is necessary since you are grieving longer than normal. There is no normal. And please do NOT say that phrase which I cannot even type. Read that line again, and you will figure it out. If I hear that brainwashed phrase one more time, my head is going to pop off.
Neurobiological sciences consistently find that we can use our thoughts to prevent depression. We can create effective neurological changes, which in return will keep depression at bay. Science also shows that validation of grief is helpful. So our thoughts and the validation of others play a role in moving forward in grief.
We like the lines, “I hear that you are hurting, or I understand that you are hurting.”
“This is energy moving through you, and it will pass.”
In other words, it will minimize and get better soon. And most importantly, they understand you, validate you, and you will get better.
Part of my support has been a wonderful person who I much admire. He has seen profound tragedy and taught me a lot about the process, and supported me through it. Some of the phrases I mentioned I liked came from him.
The downside of grieving for an extended period of time is that grief can spiral into clinical depression, which is bad for the brain. It can affect the hardwiring of the brain and also make the gray cells shrink. Neurogenesis is when new cells are created in the brain. Some things boost neurogenesis in the hippocampus; long-term depression seems to hinder it. This area of the brain is associated with mood. So it is important to understand grief is normal, and there are many things we can do to avoid long-term clinical depression, which is different from grief.
Helpful Solutions to Grief
Although there is no solution to grief itself, there are things you can do to feel better. The number one thing you can do for yourself is to move. Activity of any kind is helpful, and exercise has been shown to improve depression and mood significantly. There are a plethora of studies on this; we don’t feel the need to cite them.
High levels of stress hormones are linked to depression, so reducing stress is imperative. Crying has been shown to release stress hormones. They come out of us in our tears. Crying is a part of grief, and we generally do more in the beginning stages, but how often we cry is also like a fingerprint.
Many cultures look upon someone who lives in solitude as healthy, strong, desired, and a notable condition. This may hold true for some, but in a time of grieving, human contact is beneficial. Studies show that good human connection is helpful to our well-being, but it also indicates that harmful human contact can drastically affect our health. Therefore having good quality people who care support us is imperative—people who have your best intentions in mind.